Tag Archives: victoria pavlov

I am who I am

I was thinking to myself about it for a very long time. I was whispering to myself, trying to bury what I feel inside. With all that is going right now in our country, seeing how people are fighting for their human rights, and fighting for their family’s safety, it keeps me awake at night. I never understand, and never will understand how people can discriminate against people for the color of their skin, their immigration status, or anything else.
I feel all this in my example. I am a “former” immigrant (I am a US Citizen with the same blue passport as you). When you are an immigrant, people have a “stereotype” and expectation of you. As an immigrant, you can only do housekeeping work in some wealthy houses, clean toilets, or work on farms. I want to point out that nothing is wrong with any of these jobs, and I did all of them. When you are an immigrant, it’s automatically assumed that you don’t have an education. You or your children don’t need to have an education or any dreams at all.
By my own example, I know that even getting a job cleaning streets in many neighborhoods would be hard because if you don’t have “good English” people wouldn’t feel comfortable having you around.
As a “former” immigrant, I learned that I need to work 1000% more than a person born in the USA to prove that I can do the same job. I lost count of how many times I was turned down for an “office” position I applied for because I have an accent. All the time, the same excuse but in a different interpretation. Yes, I learned my lesson. Just work 1000% more than anybody else who was born in the USA, try not to talk a lot, stay in the shadows. All of this because I am a “former” immigrant. I am tired of being asked all the time, “what is your nationality?” My answer all the time is the same “I am an American.” The next question right after that, ” I meant, where did you come from?” I don’t feel comfortable when people are asking me these questions. I don’t want to be “labeled” as “other, from somewhere else” because, after that, the person will say, “How do you know computers or art?” This is what I am talking about when I say, “if you are an immigrant, people have a “stereotype” and expectation of you.” Some immigrants are even changing their names legally to be “more American” to have more chances to be accepted in the professional world.
I have three children. One is caucasian, and two others are African-American. All my children know that they need to work 100% harder to prove that they are professionals in what they do. Why? Because of the same “stereotype” of expectation of them.” Half of my family is an immigrant/refugee, and the other half is Black. Do I need to say how much everything that is going on right now is affecting my family?
A few days ago, I started watching “Dear…” on Apple TV+. The entire documentary is like a “fresh breath” to me. I finally understand and have accepted (yes, a little later than I should) that I am who I am. Yes, I am a “former” immigrant, yes, I have an accent, and yes, I have a Black family. I don’t have to try to be quiet, I don’t have to hide my accent, and I don’t have to be ashamed that I am not “normal,” just because I wasn’t born in the USA.
I am who I am, and I am from the immigrant family, I am professional in what I do, and Black Lives Matter. Accept me or not.

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